Personal Energy

Is what we put out really what we get back? Ever feel like the one in the group that is the "odd ball out"? Ask yourself the question, is it me or them? I came across this topic one day at work, as I was speaking to a co-worker and getting the innate feeling that she was just putting up with me. This person is also known to be on an emotional roller coaster and one I personally, believe to be a bit caught in her own head. However, to me that doesn't make her a person that isn't mostly enjoyable to talk to and pass the time at work with. Anyways, back on topic. The point being that she made me feel as if talking about the weather or some other mundane "safe" topic was bothering her. So I just stopped talking in fear that I would be theoretically kicked out of the work friend zone. I let her unsaid emotion control what I did. Why?
We, as a human race, are taught to be a part of society, to belong and prosper. In school we are told to get along with all, but encouraged to be a part of groups. This group activity causes comradeship, but also alienation of others outside of the group. In the United States this is referred to as clicks. Click, a word with other meanings, but some how was attached to the most evil thing in high school. As a young woman I experienced the pain of being on the outside, and the enjoyment of being on the inside. Of course one little mistake can take you out of the group and into the "weird" zone. You are then categorized as the person with many flaws and cannot be aloud back into the group in any way, unless you're being talked about. You are the person the group blames for small occurrences, makes fun of your stories, ideas, and personality. It's a cruel world out there. It doesn't just stop at high school, but continues into our adult lives, almost like a living being. Just being yourself without pretense and expectation is difficult.
Our internal energy can contribute to how others treat us and and perceive our outward appearance. Just as I let the girl at work essentially control me through her mood, because I felt in some way I was being judged. Having people's approval and trying to be nice to everyone seems to be something that controls me and many others in this world. I mean, we can't walk up to someone you work with and say "fuck off," but you can't just let them emotionally control you either. It's something I hope I can get over as I go into my thirties.
So trying to sum this up, we really don't always get back what we put out. We can be as nice as pie, but there is always someone that will shut you down. One quote I've been running through my head lately is by Eleanor Roosevelt, "No one can make you feel inferior without your permission." It gives me strength when I'm feeling insecure. I hope it helps you too.
We are not a perfect race. As long as there are humans there will be judgment and insecurities that go with it. I guess I just have to grow a stronger skin and build a larger wall. Next time I have the feeling someone doesn't like me or what I'm doing, I'm going to keep going. I will no longer have someone dictate how I chose to operate my day and life.