It's All So Overwhelming

When did life become an overwhelming mush of problems and expectations? I can't for the life of me remember when I didn't feel like my personal expectations didn't over power my every thought and doing. I believe this to be a common thread amongst every driven person on life's rocky and broken path. I know I can't hold myself to perfect, as I'd like to be. I know that I can't hold everyone else to perfect as I know some of them seem to be. I am human, as everyone says. However, I believe that aliens take over my body from time to time. As I'm sure my Husband would say as well.
How is one suppose to get ahead in the busy world we have created? Our society thrives on the success and the down fall of many of our hero figures. So if our great nation loves a good story of success and failure, then are we all a bit sadistic? Perhaps, there is a little part of all of us that loves the attack and the torture. I wouldn't be artistic if there wasn't a bit of struggle in it. The feeling keeps the drama going and makes the sensation of anything good almost pleasurable. Competition is a great example of that. All around the world fans gather to see their teams fight for the victory. The pressure of winning, the pressure of making entertainment, and being the best is there. Sports is an amazing observation for my point. Plus, everyone is surrounded by it from childhood. I could make the argument that we nurture this pressure of achievement and loathing.
There is so much all of us put on ourselves daily, weekly, yearly. I feel sometimes as a total failure. By this time in my life, I was suppose to be so much more. It didn't matter growing up how much my parents told me that I was wonderful, I always put that pressure on myself. I had the invisible weight balance on my shoulders my entire life. In reality I've never been spectacular at anything I've done. I've never been the best, but I've been good. Deep inside I have to convince myself that enough is enough, but something keeps me going.
It is my conquest to make money. That's right, I admit it. MONEY makes the world go round. It is a pure driving force that presents itself as the golden light at the end of a very long tunnel. That is pressure one. Of course I would love to have the feeling of accomplishment too. For one split second you are on the top of whatever you are going for. It confuses me though, like the chicken and the egg. What comes first? There is no fight that the pressure always comes first (and possibly the feeling of loathing and depression.) Then after that, is it the accomplishment that finally eases the pressure or the money? Around and around we can go.
I write this blog tonight because I feel the pressure. I know some of you do too. I want to know that it's not just me that feels like a complete loser from time to time. I know one day I will be a "success" but I also know I'm going to have to work my well formed ass off to get there. Even if society keeps telling me I should be where I am. It is never good enough for me. I need to always push and go.
Know that there will always be pressure coming at all times from every direction. It is the drive and fire in your mind that keeps you going. As the Secret says ( I really haven't read it) think and it will come. You have to picture the now and the later. So go for it! Don't just sit and feel sorry for yourself. Make it happen! Next time your at a ball game, imagine being the player, not just the fan on the side lines. Because accepting the mediocre side of yourself, is unacceptable.